I am not Catholic, but, I do believe religion to be very important for spiritual growth. I believe religion to b a tool to get closer to GOD. I am attending a Nazerene church and feel this is the best way for me to become spiritually closer to GOD. My fiancee is Catholic and believes it is his way or no way... he will not marry me unless it is in a Catholic church.... I don't mind marrying in a Catholic church. I believe that a marriage needs to be seen in GOD's eyes before it is valid. He also will not adopt my daughter unless she becomes Catholic. I am very hurt. I don't understand that he can give me his name legally without me being Catholic, but not my daughter. I just need to know if I am right in being hurt by this, or if this is just the Catholic way and I need to accept this. I love him very much. I don't think he loves me as much. I am willing to try anything to make this work. I am a Christian. GOD comes first, then my family, then myself.. my religion doesn't have anything to do with it except to get closer to GOD. I hope this makes sense. I am very frustrated! HELP!

Thanks so very much for listening...

-b

Brenda Maggard

-- Brenda Maggard (care-bm@southwind.net), April 16, 1998

Answers

First off, I think you have the right to feel hurt and frustrated. Now having said that...let me try and figure some sense into what is being asked of you. Your fiancee wants the three of you to be a united family in the Catholic Faith. This is a admirable thing...what isn't so admirable is his forcing the issue. Let me put it like this...Would you truly convert to Catholicism? In short, are you ready to learn all that such a thing means? No one should change their religious preference just because of another person. It must come from the heart. Your fiancee wants your little girl to be a Catholic too. This is not a unrealistic request. If the two of you are Catholic...how do you intend to raise your daughter? Kids need a sense of direction...which parents are best at giving in those formative years. I have no idea how if you marry this very Catholic man how you could possibly raise your daughter in the Nazarene Church...unless you continued to go there. Let your daughter make up her own mind when she comes of a more mature age....and is not in your house ( should you marry) Let me ask one more thing...do you have any underlying fears of Catholicism? Or is it just his insistence that it be his way or no way that bothers you? I hate to sound a sour note...but no matter how you feel about this man, unless you resolve in a more equitable way this question of religion...I don't hold much hope for you to have a sucessful marriage. As a further suggestion...maybe you could visit a priest with him. I really wish you all the best. This is not a simple issue.

-- Connie Ostlund (sorka@teleport.com), April 23, 1998.