Accepting a Collar : LUSENET : The D/s Dungeon : One Thread

The subject of 'Accepting a Collar' has been many times come up at the D/s Dungeon; regarding how soon, and how well known the SO (significant other) should be as a prerequisite to exchanging Power in this most intimate way (collar).

The first issue would be, is this to be an IRC only collar? If so, the partners should nevertheless be mindful of the deep intimate attachment that attends the exchange of Power, and the concomitant potential for being hurt and deeply affected by a later fall out of an rushed into relationship. Primary in this equation is, does the other partner know that you are giving/accepting the collar frivalously and don't truly intend to develop a truly intimate relationship? I would advise, when a collar is given/accepted after a short time or other circumstances that suggest the exchange is 'convenient', the both parties be fully apprised of the fact that the deeper and intenser aspects of D/s that normally attach with a collar are not intended. Do not give/accept a collar unless and until a full disclosure of the circumstances, and especially the depth of emotion and feeling intended, have been fully exchanged.

Most neophytes have no idea the depth of feeling and potential for hurt that will attach in a D/s relationship. And this fact of such a deep emotional bond attaching is only then discovered far, far too late to prevent emotional scarring.

The benefits of D/s are heights of sexual pleasure seldom, if ever, experienced by vanilla relationships. Unfortunately, this benefit dictates that care and concern for the other's emotional well-being be respected. With this heightened sexual energy comes the responsibility to not hurt the other party by a failure to disclose the circumstances under which you accept/give a collar.

Do not underestimate the power and depth potential of a D/s relationship. This is not a 'play at' easy to leave lifestyle. Respect the emotional well-being of the other party. In vanilla relationships, we see casual affairs with the neighbors and work mates that do many times cause huge emotional trouble, but beware of the much higher degree scarring potential the D/s relationship brings.

In summary, the axiom that the level of sensual pleasure is higher in a D/s relationship; but so also is the concomitant potential for emotional scarring. 'Playing at' this lifestyle can be emotionally dangerous.

What do you think?


-- Lancer (, October 25, 1997

Moderation questions? read the FAQ