Wednesday, Apr. 14, 2004 - 1:57 p.m.

(on the telephone)

SIMON:

Dad, I lost the bet, I have to go now. I'm just going to-I'm off to the USSR now. I'm packing yellow bags right now.

REV.CAMDEN:

No, there must be some way I can intercede...let me call Officer Brown.

*click*dial*ring*

REV.CAMDEN:

Hello? Officer Brown?

OFFICER BROWN:

Yes? Who is it? Hold on...Sorry...Eric Camden Household...I just got this new caller id stuff. Never had it it before..

REV.CAMDEN:

What is it? Caller id?

OFFICER BROWN:

Caller id is a service that can only be enabled in Caller id enabled telephones. Caller id identifies whoever is calling me. Caller id tells me your name.

REV.CAMDEN:

Really? Hold on.

*click*

REV.CAMDEN:

Lucy, can i borrow your car phone?

LUCY:

Dad's it's called a 'cellphone'.

REV.CAMDEN:

Then can I borrow your 'sail phone'?

*dial*ring*

OFFICER BROWN:

Hello? Teenage Line, is that you?

REV.CAMDEN:

HAHA, no, it's me Reverend Camden, Officer Brown. I'm calling from Lucy's phone.

OFFICER BROWN: So what is it you were calling about?

REV CAMDEN:

Oh yeah, yeah, Simon!! Simon's in trouble Officer Brown.

OFFICER BROWN:

The kind of trouble involved in selling bogus stocks to elderly mobsters, getting tolt on, and then losing all the investments in a crap game fixed by the C.I.A. in hopes of leading the mob away from Columbian competition exanerated in exchange for pounds and pounds of cocaine.

OFFICER BROWN:

I see.

REV.CAMDEN:

My son's moving to the USSR. Can it be any worse??

*sobs*

OFFICER BROWN:

Uh...Matt, orrr...

REV.CAMDEN:

It wasn't Matt, it was Simon. The one with the more annoying face.

OFFICER BROWN:

Oh yes, Simon. The thief right? He walked out on a restaurant bill in the episode with the Olsen twins.

REV.CAMDEN ABRUPTLY STOPS CRYING

REV.CAMDEN: YES! The middle-class's answer to the Hilton sisters!! Royalty indeed. I only had one scene with them but yes!! toot-toot, you can ring by belll, ring my bell, my belll, rootie-toot-toot!!

OFFICER BROWN: Oh me oh my oh Mary Poppins, Oh me oh my oh Mary Poppins, Oh me oh my oh Mary Poppins!!